Skip to main content

Posts

I didn't notice September leaving until there was so little of it left. Maybe that is how time works when you are simply trying to make it through the days. You wake up, you do what needs to be done, you carry whatever is still waiting for you, and somewhere between one day and the next, an entire month has passed. There are things in me that may never completely disappear. The sadness. The anxiety. The old fears that still know exactly where to find me. Perhaps I will carry some of them for the rest of my life. And I know there will still be days when I fall apart. Days when my mind becomes too loud, when I am tired of carrying myself, when getting through the day feels like an accomplishment no one else will ever know about. I will keep going, even on the days when living feels less like certainty and more like an act of faith. Maybe strength was never about becoming someone who could not be broken. Maybe it was learning that brokenness does not get to decide what happens next. September is leaving now. I don't have some beautiful ending for it. I don't think I need one. It was a month. I lived through it. Some days I was brave. Some days I was barely holding myself together. Most days, I was somewhere in between. But I kept going. M. | September 2026

from Chocolate & Thoughts https://ift.tt/QLuAC5F via IFTTT
Post a Comment
Read more
Recent posts

“How can you be happy in this world? You have a hole in your heart. You have a gateway inside you to lands beyond the world you know. They will call you, as you grow. There can never be a time when you forget them, when you are not, in your heart, questing after something you cannot have, something you cannot even properly imagine, the lack of which will spoil your sleep and your day and your life, until you close your eyes for the final time” ~Neil Gaiman, The Ocean at the End of the Lane

from Chocolate & Thoughts https://ift.tt/CBM2VIQ via IFTTT
Post a Comment
Read more

Over time, I realised that I have not recovered from many things. There were times, even when I was still bleeding profusely, I just shook myself up and moved on with my life. It’s not that I did not allow myself to truly feel and deal with the pain, it’s just that I was too used to being strong that I was afraid I would lose the only protective mechanism that I have. I am a soul full of grief, anger, and longing. I am a keeper of everything broken in my life and of those shattered pieces left by all the people who had been in some chapters of my book. Their memories are forever etched inside my heart, laughing, screaming, crying, sometimes calling my name and jarring me awake from my deep slumber. At times, they were too heavy, too scattered for me to hold and keep up with. I am probably the strongest girl you would ever meet, for no one knows how well I hide my weaknesses and wounds; no one would ever guess how damaged I actually was inside. Maybe that’s why the universe gave me endless papers and quills so I could give all the pain somewhere to run, somewhere to exist outside of me, so I can calmly breathe, even if just for a little while. M.

from Chocolate & Thoughts https://ift.tt/DgNzmPw via IFTTT
Post a Comment
Read more

We thought we were made of scars, but they were constellations maps leading us back to each other. And how could I not love a soul that was carved from the same longing as mine? You make me feel seen in a world that so easily forgets my name. You make me feel wanted in a world that remembers my hands only in need. When the hours dissolve into silence, when screams fade into whispers, you make me forget the weight of it all. In the end, our reunion will be quiet stars watching, the breeze gentle, for the world has finally learned that peace is long overdue, and we have suffered enough. M. | March 2025

from Chocolate & Thoughts https://ift.tt/cDyTU4l via IFTTT
Post a Comment
Read more

Sometimes all I want is to sit still while the whole world rushes past me. Sit on the beach at dusk, watching the sky hold its last streaks of orange and lavender, listening to the waves arrive and leave as the wind sighs for the night. I sought and claimed my place among the world's many, yet what I longed for was to be in the company of my own presence. To let the world carry on without asking me to follow. To let my thoughts run free. For they remind me of all the things I pretend not to care about. They are brutal, yes, but honest. Often sad, yet kind. Always alone, but never lonely. Perhaps, for once, I can watch the world go by. And perhaps I can leave a little of myself here with the tide. Between here and elsewhere, some part of me will always remain. M. | September 2026

from Chocolate & Thoughts https://ift.tt/ocmuFRS via IFTTT
Post a Comment
Read more

When the night comes, we'd lie on our backs beneath a velvet sky, watching the stars dance across its endless darkness, drunk on a beauty existed long before us. And for a little while, we would forget that we were ever meant to be anywhere else. Perhaps there is a kind of solitude reserved for the mad, a place where the world falls away and neither of us has to be afraid of being too much. For I have long decided that the strangest thing of all is believing we were ever meant to be anything other than ourselves. And perhaps we were never meant to fit into the world, but to find one another in its vastness and make a little world of our own. M. | September 2026

from Chocolate & Thoughts https://ift.tt/pXJIheu via IFTTT
Post a Comment
Read more

Here is a piece about how conflicted I am. I am conflicted about posting it as well. Anyway, here it is. 😌 ****** They call us the confused generation. Perhaps they are right. But we are not confused because we don't know anything. We are confused because we know too much. We know about boundaries, but we were raised to be considerate. We know about choosing ourselves, but we were taught to take care of everyone. We know leaving is sometimes necessary, but we also know what it feels like to be left. We know rest is productive, but we have spent our lives measuring our worth by what we can endure. We know love shouldn't hurt, but we also know love is rarely simple. We know we should have a five-year plan while barely knowing what we want to do next Tuesday. We are fully aware that we were given more choices than the generations before us, and somehow, that made choosing harder. We can be anything, so we spend years wondering who we are supposed to be. We are told not to settle, but nobody tells us what to do with the loneliness that comes from leaving. We are told to choose ourselves, but not what to do when choosing ourselves means disappointing the people we love. But perhaps we are not confused. Maybe we are simply trying to live with all the things we have learned to know at once. And perhaps we are simply a generation aware of how complicated it is to be a person. M. | September 2026

from Chocolate & Thoughts https://ift.tt/fFamTEu via IFTTT
Post a Comment
Read more