Because I am angry. I am angry that their fears mattered enough to be protected, while my pain became an inconvenience to be managed. Angry that their wounds were given patience, their silences were given reasons, their struggles were given room to exist, while mine somehow became something I was expected to heal from, or simply get over. And for once, I want to be allowed to see it only from my side. To say, they hurt me. Without immediately following it with all the reasons why they did. But I can't. That is the part that makes this so much harder. Because even while I am angry, I can see the fear beneath their actions. I can understand the things they were trying to protect, the wounds that made them retreat, the parts of them that were simply trying to process and move on in the only way they knew how. And somehow, understanding does not make the hurt any smaller. It only makes it heavier. Because now I am carrying both. My anger, and my empathy. My pain, and the reasons behind theirs. The part of me that wants to scream, “what about me?” And the part that keeps whispering, “but maybe they were hurting too.” So I remain caught between what I feel and what I understand. I cannot fully condemn them because I know pain can make people act from places they barely understand themselves. But understanding where they came from does not mean the hurt simply disappears. And perhaps that is what has been eating away at whatever sanity I have left. Not the anger itself. But the constant negotiation with it. M. | August 2026

Because I am angry. I am angry that their fears mattered enough to be protected, while my pain became an inconvenience to be managed. Angry that their wounds were given patience, their silences were given reasons, their struggles were given room to exist, while mine somehow became something I was expected to heal from, or simply get over. And for once, I want to be allowed to see it only from my side. To say, they hurt me. Without immediately following it with all the reasons why they did. But I can't. That is the part that makes this so much harder. Because even while I am angry, I can see the fear beneath their actions. I can understand the things they were trying to protect, the wounds that made them retreat, the parts of them that were simply trying to process and move on in the only way they knew how. And somehow, understanding does not make the hurt any smaller. It only makes it heavier. Because now I am carrying both. My anger, and my empathy. My pain, and the reasons behind theirs. The part of me that wants to scream, “what about me?” And the part that keeps whispering, “but maybe they were hurting too.” So I remain caught between what I feel and what I understand. I cannot fully condemn them because I know pain can make people act from places they barely understand themselves. But understanding where they came from does not mean the hurt simply disappears. And perhaps that is what has been eating away at whatever sanity I have left. Not the anger itself. But the constant negotiation with it. M. | August 2026

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